56. Ask yourself, what’s the flipside?

I guess another way of saying this is turning a negative into a positive. Many of us have heard this stated in one form or another. This was one of the first few Tools I ever used. I got it from my first and maybe favorite “headspace” book. It is called The Monk who Sold his Ferrari by Robin Sharma, and it is often the book I will buy for people who are having struggles in their lives. Almost everything that has been a negative in my life has actually led to something better.

When my parents got divorced, it seemed like the worst thing that could ever happen. What evolved from that were two new families, new parents, brothers and sisters I would have never had. If you asked me at the time, I would have done anything to keep my parents together. Ask me now, and I could not imagine my life without them apart. I’ll give you another example. There have been times I have prayed to hold on to relationships I have had. Now, I thank God they never worked out.

If you practice finding what can be the benefit in the face of adversity, it will keep the bumps in the road as bumps and not pitfalls. I think adversity is life’s way of making a correction to get you back on track. Use it as a benefit and it can help you refocus and remind you what you are striving to achieve. Dwell on it and just stare at a flat tire that can be fixed. Flat tires are part of life, will you change it and find the next town or be a crazy person cursing at it?

When we constantly try to find the best of any situation, we are training our brain for success. We want to enforce pathways and chemistry in the body that are positive. Finding the positive aspects of a bad situation gives us direction for action. By doing so, we are less likely to become stagnant and hence do nothing. It also sets us up for success in the future because we will be better prepared to tackle similar challenges as they arise. If that’s not good enough for you, then think of it this way; people would rather be around a positive person who tries to make the most of a situation than someone who sits and complains about anything. Also, there is a risk of becoming just plain negative about everything if you’re not careful. Be aware, I am not saying make everything pie in the sky. What I am saying is that more than 90% of the time you can find some good in any situation, if this is a Tool you decide to put to use.

32. The hole you receive through is only as big as the hole you give through.

There are so many reasons why this Tool works and why it is so right. If you are like me, you have seen the dog-eat-dog mentality. You have noticed those whose motto is to get as much as they can by any means. On the lowest level, criminals who cheat and steal basically give through no hole and what they receive is very little unless you are talking about jail time. This is one of those Tools that works on multiple levels. The first, and one you may just have to accept on a little faith, is that it’s just the way the universe works.

It’s one of those little known “secrets” that for the most part rewards those who give just as much as they receive. On a more practical level, when you give through a bigger hole, you are more likely to receive because others simply notice. You have a greater chance for referrals, being acknowledged, or just being given more opportunities because people admire your notion of “give first.” Keep in mind sincerity is a key; this Tool does not work with the sole intention of receiving more. Lastly, I think another reason one receives more by giving more is simply a better self image. When we give through a large hole, it makes us feel good about ourselves. It is obvious to see that this better self image would only naturally begin to foster success in our personal lives, thus increasing the size of the hole we receive through.

A modern day example that I think works perfectly is the mortgage industry. There was a time that it seemed half the people employed were working as brokers. Now most of those people have moved on; there are only a few who survived the crash. Why? Well, the majority of the brokers who jumped on board did so simply for their own benefit; they did it to make money to “get theirs.” They put clients in products and loans that they knew were bad ones. The hole they gave through was very small and the hole they received from now no longer exists.

On the other hand, I know a few people who survived. How did they do this? Their motivation was to make a profit just like the other guys, but they did so by doing right by the client. So in essence what they have done is kept their existing client base for future business, and they have the ability to pick up new clients by earning the reputation of doing the right thing for their customer. The hole they are receiving from still exists and will become larger because they gave through a big hole to start. Keep in mind when discussing the hole we receive through, we are not just talking about money. Imagine the good feeling the ethical brokers now have by doing right by their clients. Wealth is measured in many ways.

I struggled in this department as well. I was consumed by insurance adjusters and companies refusing to pay claims. I was constantly worried about things in the office. I often found that all the distractions took me away from the things I enjoyed about private practice. Then that all changed when I put my personal mission statement online and made it my mission to serve others. After that, nothing else mattered much. At the end of the day I would count how many patients I treated and that was how many people I served and lives I changed. When I started doing that, my income and satisfaction greatly increased, hence increasing my wealth, simply by focusing on the hole going out, not what was coming back in.