listen

17. Become a better listener.

God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason, so you listen twice as much as you speak. I actually hated it when adults used to say that to me, even though it is a very good premise to live by. I believe this is one of the most difficult Tools to use and to get good at. It takes some practice, but if you walked into a hardware store, not everything is as simple as a screwdriver. Some of the tools they have there take training and time to become good at using them.

One of the first benefits I found by doing this more often was that I received more out of a conversation. For example, many times when I interrupted with a question, the person was getting to that answer if I had let them finish. Letting the person talk and get out all that they have to say cuts my talk time almost in half. When you interrupt or ask questions in the middle of someone talking, it is not only rude but it can also take the conversation in a different direction when it may have been headed where you wanted to go all the time.

One time I was talking with someone and made an extra effort to let them talk out their point. I did this so well that the person said hello on the phone because they weren’t sure if I was still there. The other thing I like by doing this is that it allows you to talk and make your point uninterrupted. When someone does interrupt you, you can simply ask them, “Didn’t I let you have your say?” The person then has two options. They can either let you finish or keep interrupting. If they let you finish, great. If they keep interrupting you, then you can feel no regret in cutting the conversation short knowing that you did your best.

Keep in mind we are not simply talking about arguments or serious discussions. Another benefit of being a better listener is that you benefit from human nature. You benefit from the natural fact that people for the most part like talking about themselves. So when you let them do this, you are boosting and stroking their ego by simply shutting up. When you are the type of person who listens and makes people feel better about themselves just by listening to them, you increase success probabilities. People will like you more and be more apt to help you accomplish your goals because you make them feel good about themselves.

Finally, this may be a good Tool to use if you just simply won’t shut up. You may, on the other hand, close many avenues or shut out people who can help you reach goals because you never listen to anything they say. If you become the person who never listens to what anyone says or who never takes advice (especially when you ask for it), people are just going to stop bothering. You know who these people are and chances are you know if you are one of them. I see this as a very low risk Tool to incorporate.

What do you have to lose? By listening more than you speak, you gather more information, can often make people more compliant around you, and lastly have the chance of making people feel better because you allowed them to talk about their favorite topic, THEM. This is a sneaky little Tool because it doesn’t require that you do more, it requires that you do less. Just remember, this one takes some practice to master and there are not many out there who have.