If I Talked To You The Way You Talked To Yourself, You’d Hate Me
23. If I talked to you the way you talked to yourself, you’d hate me.
How many times have you said, “I’m dumb” or “I’m an idiot”? When you say it enough times, the brain starts to believe it. Self-talk is one of the most important aspects of how your head perceives itself. It is a well accepted fact that the brain cannot tell the difference between a real event and one that is thought up in the mind.
Let me give you an example. They asked one group of people to practice shooting free throws each day. Then they asked a second group of people to just visualize in their minds that they were shooting free throws. The third group they asked to do nothing. What they found is when they tested their free throwing ability later, the group that practiced in their mind did just about as well as the group that actually went out and practiced. The mind processed the information in the same way. The brain does the same thing with what we tell it over and over and over.
Now even I will catch myself saying what an idiot I am when I screw up on something. It is human nature to be our own worst critic. I believe the key is twofold. By first being aware of your self-talk, you will begin to make a conscious effort of not saying these negative things to yourself. Instead of saying, “I’m an idiot,” I like to replace it with, “That’s not like me.”
I also find by knowing that how I talk to myself forms my brain’s perception of who I am, I now compliment myself more. When I do something right or kind, I let myself know it. If I hold a door open for someone, I will tell myself, “Nice job buddy.” I find when I do that, not only does the act of doing something nice for someone else feel good, but the pat I give myself on the back makes me want to have that feeling more often.
Finally, when I do say something negative to myself, I quickly say, “I didn’t mean that,” or as a mentor of mine used to simply say, “Delete.” He even said it out loud. I have found you can do this for anything you don’t want to put in your head.
It will feel weird in the beginning. If this is new to you, of course, it’s going to feel a little strange. But as with any new skill, it takes practice. As you start to practice doing this, it becomes automatic. You should see the look on people’s faces when I make the statement, “If I talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would hate me.” People can really identify with the statement because we all do it. If you do the negative talk enough, your brain and body start to believe it. So let’s use this powerful Tool to our advantage and program our brains to work for us and roadblock the junk we want to keep out.